I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
