3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
