That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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