i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
