I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
