Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
