I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
