The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
