Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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