I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That's when you crack a 10am beer
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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