Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
