I think I died a long time ago.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
