you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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