Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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