there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
