Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
