My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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