She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
