moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
