All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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