i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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