You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
