Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
