I want to walk on stilts...naked
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
