he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
