i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
