If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
