i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
