I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
