ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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