You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
