i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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