Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Of course I have a pirate flag
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
