but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
