she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
