Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
