your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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