I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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