two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
