it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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