Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
