I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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