i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
