Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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