nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Church boner. Awkwardddd
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
