My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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