So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
