Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
