How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
