508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
