Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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