I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
