Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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